Cecilia Poullain
Diary Of A Writer
A very short episode about yoghurt...
In this episode, I explain why I haven't posted in a while. A lot of the stuff I have been writing is about people in my family, and I don't want to hurt them and I will need to check with them before I include things about them in my book.
I am fascinated in the different influences of my father and grandfathers and my mother and my grandmothers on me. And in the evolution in what it means to be a man over the last century - so clearly illustrated in my family.
I have been working on the structure of the book, and had a great idea this morning. The first part of the book would be about what happened when I followed the masculine, and the second half would be about finding the feminine.
Today, I wrote about the relatively minor, hyper-privileged decision to move out of our holiday flat in Dinard to a house further west along the coast in Saint-Cast, and all that it taught my about making decisions.
I am still trying to work out how to structure the section on death and endings. I have made some headway with the part on death, but I don't yet know how to fit in the part on endings. A very short piece today on the advantages and disadvantages of being alive - and being dead.
I spent a long time this morning trying to work out how to structure this section of the book. I had initially written it as a series of reactions to deaths and leaving places, but that doesn't really work. I'm trying to find the through-line - the central dramatic question - and I think it might be something like: "can I come to peace with death and endings?"
I had a section called " I can, I can't" in which I was looking at why there were some situations in which I persuaded myself something was impossible and others in which I persisted.
But I realised that I needed a central dramatic question with a yes or no answer.
My central dramatic question will probably be: "can I change my limiting beliefs?" which is why I changed the name of the section.
I am seeing how my perfectionism feeds into my limiting beliefs, and how incredibly powerful our beliefs about ourselves are.
A slightly messy text on my happiest memories. I have shifted this section of my book to just before "Dreams and Visions" because I realized that memories are the flip-side of dreams and visions - memories are in the past; dreams and visions are in the future.
I am up to 74 000 words. I have structured my work into themes and I have started rewriting within the themes. I initially wrote three different texts on time - I have now combined them into a single text.
I write about leaving Sydney to come back to Paris. I had no idea that I would still be living in Paris 27 years later. I write about other departures, and what it means to live on the other side of the world from family and friends. I write about just how hard it was to find a job in a foreign country.
How swimming, yoga and singing all focus on breathing and on the position of the pelvis and how they are all building on each other.
I have been reading "A Happy Pocket Full of Money" by David Cameron Gikandi. I'm not quite sure what to make of this book - it is a quantum physics / spiritual guide to becoming wealthy.
The author talks about seeing time in the "hear-and-now" - time doesn't really exist because there is only the "hear-and-now".
This got me thinking again about different ways of imagining time and the effect that has.
Thinking about how I want to die means thinking about how I want to live.
I have always seen time as linear. Today, I started musing on what difference it makes if we see time as linear or circular. I would be interested to know what you think.
I thought I was going to be investigating why I sometimes conformed to what other people expected of me - or at least my perceptions of what other people expected of me - and why I sometimes did my own thing. In the end, I wrote about moving from childhood, a time of great freedom, to adolescence when I started to conform, to becoming a lawyer and closing in more and more, until it became unbearable and I started to reverse the process.
This episode is for anyone who is looking for more colour in their life.
Reading back over my writing of the last few months led me to ask the question: "why is it that sometimes, I persist with something, and sometimes, I say "I can't"?" What is going on there? Is there a link between these two things, and if so, what is it? That is what I examine in today's episode - and I will probably go further with this a little later.
The theme of order and creativity came up over and over again yesterday as I tried to pull out some of the themes in my writing. Here are my musings on the relationships between order - also known as structure, technique, habit - and creativity.
Today, I drew out themes from what I had been writing in order to find where the gaps are that need to be filled in. An extremely exercise which helped me to realise some of the dichotomies in my life and how my whole life I have been struggling to become my own person.
I write about how important creating community is to me, and in particular creating community around our house in Brittany.
In this episode, I write about the performance I put on last Sunday in my flat in Paris. I talk about what it is like to be in front of an audience and how I am coming to see that each performance is part of the learning process rather than an absolute.
This is a piece I have rewritten about my grandfather and what he transmitted - or didn't transmit - to me.
Today's topic is one that is close to many of our hearts: not caring what other people think. It's a concept that can be difficult to grasp, especially in a world that often places so much emphasis on the opinions of others.
In this episode, we will explore the various aspects of persistence and how it can be harnessed to achieve great things.
A mixed bag of writing today. I am having to dig deep into my memories now, and I think the time is coming when I will have to start structuring my work. I am up to almost 60,000 words.
This episode speaks for itself.
Not easy writing this morning. I am noticing a pattern. When I haven't been writing consistently, I have less ideas.
But I did manage a paragraph about weighing myself.
It's all about just sticking with it, even when it is difficult. Writing every day is what makes me a writer.
In this episode, I'll be sharing my personal experiences with mindfulness and how it has allowed me to be present and aware of all my senses. From mindful breathing to sensory awareness, I'll share practical techniques that have helped me become more attuned to the world around me and find joy in the present moment.
Today, I wrote down the four major emotions - anger, fear, sadness and joy - then mindmapped what came up around them. Interestingly, the first piece I wrote was about how important emotions are to me. And the second piece was about my day yesterday, which I had been wanting to write about since it happened it was so perfect.
Three scenes from our Gestalt therapy sessions about leadership and daring to bring all that is on the inside to share on the outside.
Today, I wanted to feel into whatever it felt right to write about without being too organised about it. I wrote a couple of prompts down: "My voice is" and "Times when I wrote" and immediately, the ideas came.
I am feeling a very strong pull to write fiction again.
I am becoming aware that I need to vary my sentence structure when I get to the second draft. I tend to write three-sentence paragraphs - a short sentence, a longer sentence then a very long sentence.
I write about how boring it can be when there is nothing to do at work and indications that I was in the wrong job.
As someone who has always been fascinated with the written word, I've often wondered what it would be like to be a writer. So, in this episode, I'll be sharing my personal experience of discovering that I was indeed a writer.
The writing process is teaching me how to live. By getting some perspective on my life, I am learning to recognise my destructive patterns and to work through them.
If you have ever told yourself that something is impossible, this episode is for you.
Writing is getting easier and easier as I just "do it". I am up to Day 65 and a few words shy of 50 000 words. I am still "just writing junk" and need to decide when I will start structuring and editing.
I wrote about the walk I did this morning, about my decision-making process and about appreciating the little things.
Today, I want to talk about an easy writing day I had recently and how it led me to the idea for my first one-woman show.
I've been writing for a long time, but I had never attempted a one-woman show before. I knew it would be a challenge, but I was excited about the prospect of telling my story in a new and unique way.
It's always a bit terrifying putting my unedited work out there, especially when I am writing about incidents where I felt so foolish. But I also think that by being vulnerable, this will somehow connect with my audience.
These are three terribly embarrassing stories about work, when I was a young lawyer, and a story from my thirties when I started to feel as though I knew what I was doing.
When I haven't been writing for a few days, I really pay for it when I do get back to my desk. My first writing day is always more difficult, and that was the case today.
I wrote three short texts about my last job. It was a place where I worked with wonderful people and found real satisfaction - but that wasn't enough in the end.
In this episode, I talk about feeling into what I want to write and how trying different styles of writing can help us become a better writer.
I read about how I started to sing and my inappropriate behaviour in one of the top London law firms.
When we think of creativity, we might imagine bright colors, bold ideas, and an openness to new experiences. However, what about the things we typically consider to be rigid or structured, like following rules or being organized? In this episode, I delve into how these seemingly opposite qualities can actually work together to help us be more creative.
In this episode, I talk about how each piece of writing needs a Central Dramatic Question which has a yes or no answer. For part of my book - and my life - the Central Dramatic Question is: "Will I find a career that is personally and financially rewarding?"
Hi there, it's me, your host, and in this episode of the podcast, I wanted to talk to you about something that I've been struggling with for a long time: anxiety. Specifically, I want to share with you two specific instances where anxiety has been particularly difficult for me.
In this episode of the podcast, you will hear about how I struggled with writing and how I’ve overcame my writer's block. Tune in to hear how I manage to weave these seemingly unrelated topics together into a cohesive piece of writing.
Instead of forcing myself to write about the topic I had originally planned, I decided to take a step back and explore some other ideas that had been floating around in my head. What came out of this unexpected shift in direction were two stories that are very dear to me.
The first is a terrifying incident that happened to me in Tibooburra, a small town in far-western New South Wales in Australia.
The second story is about my sense of pride and belonging to a swimming club. This community has been a huge part of my life for many years, and I wanted to celebrate their impact on me and others.
in this episode of the podcast, I'm going to keep things short and sweet. Today was a challenging day for me as I found myself struggling with fears and doubts about my writing.
Although this episode may be brief, I hope it serves as a reminder that it's okay to have days where we feel unsure and unproductive.
Hey, it's your host, and in this episode of the podcast, I wanted to share a personal reflection that came to me as I was writing about a recent experience with my boss.
As a bonus, I also wanted to share a little story from my childhood about the freedom I felt when dancing. It's a small memory, but one that has stuck with me as a reminder of the joy and liberation that comes from expressing ourselves creatively.
Hey, it's your host, and in this episode of the podcast, I want to share a recent conversation I had with an English writer about the process of writing. We discussed the idea of "just writing junk" as a way to overcome writer's block and get the creative juices flowing.
In this episode of the podcast, I'm feeling grateful for a productive writing day. I knew exactly what I wanted to write about, and the words flowed easily from my pen.
This inspiration came from an unexpected source - an awful singing lesson I had the day before.
In this episode, I talked about cycling up a very long hill, which I experienced a few weeks ago. That's when I remembered a technique that I had read about but had never tried before: breaking a large task into smaller ones. So, instead of focusing on the entire hill, I decided to break it down into tiny tasks.
Today, I talked about a topic that we often avoid in our daily lives - death. In particular, I want to discuss our relationship with death and how, at least in the Western world, we are so removed from it and so polite around it.
In this episode, I will be discussing my own experiences of working in a fear-based culture and how it impacted my ability to be innovative. I will also be sharing some practical tips for creating a culture that encourages creativity and innovation, including creating a safe space for people to share their ideas, embracing diversity, and encouraging experimentation.
I am 55, and I have spent a considerable amount of time planning and tending to my garden. It is my happy place, where I can escape the stresses of everyday life and immerse myself in nature. In this episode, I want to talk about my garden and share some of the surprises that I have encountered while planning and tending to it.
Despite all my planning, what I love most about my garden is the surprises it brings me. For example, I didn't expect the red sage in the terrace garden to complement the heuchera in the maple garden behind it so well.
Today, I want to talk about how the air in nature can be so much cleaner and purer than the air we breathe in our daily lives. The air we breathe in our cities and towns is often thick with pollutants, and we may not even realize it until we escape to a place with cleaner air.
Whenever I come up to a mountaintop or a forest, I can't help but notice how clear and pure the air feels when I take deep breaths. It is a refreshing feeling that instantly revitalizes me and makes me appreciate the beauty of nature even more.
The title of this episode is "Green and Blue," which represents the colors of our planet, the Earth. My stories are a reflection of the world, where it has come from, and where it is going. They represent the human experience, with all its joys and struggles, and how we are all connected to each other and the planet.
In this episode, I want to discuss the importance of empathy and understanding in our relationships, particularly with our mothers and the women in our lives. I will also be sharing some lessons I have learned about resilience and how we can cultivate it in our own lives.
I am 55.
My sister is back on her medication. The past two or three years have been so terribly difficult for her. he was trying to manage her medication by herself and that went all horribly wrong and she ended up back in a hospital.
But now, she is back on her medication and is going well. My brother says to me: “I feel as though I have my sister back.” I feel the same.
I am walking along the western bank of the river between the power plant and the lock. The river is still wide here, and it is drizzling. The boats on the river are tied to their moorings - nobody is navigating. There is nobody on the path with me.
I feel the strength in my legs, in my body. My walking boots on the naked beaten earth of the path. This is an old place. Each step connects me to this place a little more. The rain is beating down now, disturbing the calm of the wide expanse of water; it drips through the leaves of the beech trees overhanging the path onto the hood of my Goretex jacket.
I am 55.
People always say I am hard on myself. I don’t really know what they mean. They say I have very high standards. Again, I don’t really know what they mean. I just do stuff the way I always do.
People also say that I am very judgemental. It is so hard for me to see how I am behaving, for any of us to see how we are behaving. People tell me I want to change others. Perhaps because I am always wanting to change myself.
How are meetings in any way designed to ensure that the management was well-informed or that there was any chance of me being able to think, or of any of us to be able to think? It is an exercise in power. A tribunal, not a place to think.
This was my 30th birthday.
We were in a doctor’s surgery on Glebe Point Road in Sydney. My husband will be leaving for Paris in a few days - not on holidays or on business, but to live. Once he has found a job, I will follow.
The results were not good and confirmed our worst fears. It will be difficult, if not impossible, for us to have children naturally.
A mixture of relief at knowing and desperate disappointment. And fear of the uncertainty of the future.
I don’t know what the room will be like. I have never been there before.
The streets are quiet early in the day on a Sunday. I don’t know this part of Paris. Dread weighs on my heart. I want it to be so good, I want everyone to be amazed by my voice, by how I touch them, by how extraordinary I am. And I fear that I will be so bad.