How to Lead Better Meetings: Disagreement Without Damage

A few weeks ago, I shared some thoughts on how to contribute in meetings - even when you feel you don’t have anything groundbreaking to say. But in reflecting more deeply, I realised I had overlooked something crucial: conflict.

Yes, conflict. That word that makes most professionals sit up a little straighter - or want to run for the door.

But here’s the thing: If your meetings feel dull, unfocused or like they’re going nowhere… it’s probably because the real issues are being avoided. And when we avoid conflict, we also avoid the chance to move forward meaningfully.

Why Most Meetings Are Boring

Here’s what typically happens:

• People share information that could have easily been an email.

• Or worse, people don’t share what’s really on their minds.

So we sit in long, ineffective meetings where nobody disagrees out loud, and nobody learns anything new.

And yet, healthy teams and high-functioning leaders do engage in disagreement—but they do so constructively. They make space for ideas to be challenged without egos being bruised. That’s the kind of constructive conflict that drives real change. And it’s a skill. One we need to learn, model, and protect.

Constructive Conflict Is a Value - But Also a Practice

I recently read about law firms that list “constructive conflict” as one of their values. But too often, when someone in the team finds that environment uncomfortable, the response is, “Well, it’s just not for everyone.”

Frankly, that’s not good enough.

It’s not enough to say, “You don’t fit.”

The better question is: How do we create the conditions where people feel safe enough to engage in disagreement - especially those who find it hard to speak up?

This isn’t just a diversity issue. It’s a performance issue. And as an executive coach who works with global leaders, I can tell you: until people feel safe, they will hold back. And when they hold back, you miss out on their insight, creativity and brilliance.

First Comes Trust, Then Comes Conflict

In his book The Five Dysfunctions of a Team, Patrick Lencioni explains that trust is the foundation of every strong team. Without trust, you can’t get to the next level: productive conflict. And without that, forget about commitment, accountability or shared goals.

So how do we build trust?

Here are four ways I share with my clients:

1. Time and Testing
   Simply spending time together and seeing how people behave under pressure. Are they self-interested, or do they put the team first?

2. Personal Sharing
   Share something about your background. It doesn’t have to be deeply personal. Just enough to humanise the space.

3. Naming Strengths and Weaknesses
   Give honest, respectful feedback - and ask for it. When people stop second-guessing how others see them, trust builds fast.

4. Vulnerable Leadership
   Özgür Can Kahal, a brilliant lawyer at DLA Piper, once shared how she models vulnerability by naming what’s not going well—and doing it with confidence.
   “I’m struggling today.” “This didn’t go as planned.”
   When leaders go first in showing they don’t have to be perfect, they invite others to be real, too.

How to Make Conflict Safe Again

When trust is in place, we can finally begin to have constructive conflict - the kind where no one ends up emotionally wounded or checking their watch.

The book Crucial Conversations gives us a practical framework.
When someone in a meeting goes quiet - or reactive - it’s usually because they no longer feel safe. Your job isn’t to push harder. It’s to pause and restore psychological safety.

Here’s how:

1. Apologise
   If you’ve crossed a line, say so. And yes, this applies to senior leaders too. It takes courage, but it models humility.

2. Clarify Your Intentions
   “I didn’t mean X. What I meant was Y.” Often, the damage isn’t what we said - it’s what someone thought we meant.

3. Find Mutual Purpose
   Shift the focus to what everyone agrees on. Then go back to the points of disagreement from that shared foundation.

Ground Rules Make it Work

Whether I’m coaching a leadership team or facilitating a group, we always begin with ground rules:

• Confidentiality

• No judgment—positive or negative

• No unsolicited advice

Why no advice? Because advice puts you above someone. It assumes they don’t know what’s best for them. And in coaching, that’s not our belief.

In business meetings, your ground rules might differ, but the principle is the same:
Create a container where people feel safe to tell the truth.

Conflict Without Casualties

What we’re after isn’t more drama. It’s more truth. More clarity. More progress.

Constructive conflict allows people to express what matters before it turns into resentment or disengagement. And when it’s done right, no one bleeds. There’s no "blood on the floor" - just better decisions, stronger teams, and more courageous leadership.

If you're looking to develop these leadership skills in yourself or your team - I’d love to support you.

I've written a step-by-step guide to making partner that walks through some of the key barriers (including conflict avoidance!) that hold people back.

👉 Download it here: https://www.ceciliapoullain.com/free-guide

And if this sparked something in you - let’s keep the conversation going.
What’s your experience with conflict in meetings?
When has it worked, and when has it gone off the rails?

Until next time,
Warmly,
Cecilia

Source: LinkedIn Live: https://www.linkedin.com/events/howtoleadbettermeetings-disagre7336326514856153090/theater/