Podcast Ep. 24: The Woman Lawyer's Guide to Managing Insecure Overachievers

If you work in a law firm, there is a good chance you have an insecure overachiever in your team.

They are often brilliant lawyers. They work incredibly hard, care deeply about doing a good job and can be relied on to get things done.

So what is the problem?

The difficulty is that insecure overachievers often feel that whatever they do, it is never enough. They are constantly trying to prove that they are good enough, and that can come with a huge amount of stress.

They may struggle to set boundaries, become overly focused on detail, find it difficult to build relationships and put themselves at risk of burnout.

As their manager, you cannot make them become a secure achiever. Their mental health and their beliefs about themselves are ultimately their responsibility.

But you can create an environment that makes it easier for them to work sustainably.

There are three things I would focus on.

Model what healthy achievement looks like

The first is to model being a secure achiever yourself.

If you are constantly stressed, working late and giving the impression that there is always more to do, your team will pick up on that.

Show them that it is possible to take your work seriously while also having a life outside it.

When I was growing up, my father was a partner at a leading law firm in Australia. He encouraged younger lawyers to develop interests outside the law. He went to the gym, took French and singing lessons and made time for his family.

Simply talking about interests outside work and making space for them sends an important message. You can be successful as a lawyer without making your entire identity about work.

Help them set boundaries

The second thing you can do is help them learn to recognise when they have done enough.

Insecure overachievers are often very poor at setting their own boundaries. They may work late when it is not necessary, spend far too long perfecting a piece of work or take on more commitments than they can reasonably manage.

As their manager, you can sometimes step in.

After a particularly difficult transaction, trial or negotiation, make sure they take time to recover. You may need to tell them very clearly:

You have done enough. Go home.

And reassure them that doing less on occasion does not mean they are doing a worse job.

The aim is to help them continue to enjoy their work and have a successful career over the long term.

Give specific feedback

The third thing is to give frequent, specific feedback.

Do not wait until the annual review to tell someone they are doing a good job.

Insecure overachievers are constantly looking for evidence that they are good enough. Positive feedback can help build their confidence.

But there is an important trap here.

If all your positive feedback is about their work output, you may reinforce the idea that their value comes from work.

So notice other things too.

Perhaps they helped a junior colleague. Perhaps they contributed positively to the team atmosphere. Perhaps they took time off after a difficult period.

One useful framework for giving feedback is the CUBIC model:

Question: Ask if they are open to feedback.

Behaviour: Be specific about what you noticed.

Impact: Explain the impact that behaviour had.

Question: Ask them what they think.

Being specific matters. It shows that you have genuinely noticed what they have done and gives them something they can repeat.

And remember that constructive feedback is still important. Being anxious does not mean someone should only receive praise. In fact, an overachiever is often keen to improve, and constructive feedback can make your positive feedback more credible.

A simple exercise to try

Think about someone in your team who might be an insecure overachiever.

This week, give them some specific feedback using the CUBIC framework. Notice something about them that is not simply their work output.

Then watch for the moment when they have done enough.

Perhaps they have had a long week or finished a particularly difficult matter. Tell them clearly that they have done enough and that it is time to go home.

Then notice their reaction.

What does it tell you about how they think about work, and what might you need to do differently next time?

As managers, we can easily benefit from having brilliant people who will work their socks off for us.

But if we take a longer term view, our role is also to help make sure those people are still thriving three, five or ten years from now.