Podcast Ep. 4: The Perfectionism Trap
So you can see how by expecting ourselves to be perfect, we hold ourselves back. And this plays out every day in law firms where women are not speaking up in meetings or on clients calls or in training sessions or on stages because they aren’t 100% sure of what they’re going to say and they’re terrified of making a mistake.
Welcome to The Pathway to Partnership Podcast — the show where we talk honestly about what it takes to build a successful, fulfilling career as a woman lawyer.
I’m Cecilia Poullain, a former finance lawyer turned executive coach, and I help women lawyers make it to partnership — on their own terms.
In each episode, I’ll share the tools, strategies and stories that help you get clear on your goals, build unshakeable confidence and master client development in a way that feels authentic and sustainable.
Let’s dive in.
Episode 4: The Perfectionism Trap
Hook
The theme for the last episode, Episode 3, was “Moving from Lawyer to Leader”. In this episode, I want to give you a number of concrete strategies for moving from perfectionism to excellence because that is what is required if you are going to move from being a great lawyer to being a great leader and becoming a partner.
Story
I was working with a client a month or so ago. She was worried about doing training sessions for the younger lawyers in her department because the senior equity partners were going to be there. She was worried she would make a mistake or say something stupid - in other words, she was terrified that the equity partners would find out that she wasn’t perfect. She mentioned that, then wanted to quickly move on to another topic, but I pulled her back because this was massively important. Because she was scared of making a mistake, her initial reaction was simply not to do the training.
But then we talked it through. And here are some of the things she realised:
That 97% of what she said was very likely to be correct. She wouldn’t be taking a huge risk.
That it was an amazing chance to learn both by doing the training and from the equity partners: Label from a tea bag many years ago which stuck on the bottom of my computer screen: “To learn, read. To understand, write. To master, teach”.
That if she did make a mistake, they wouldn’t be rude or mean to her. They would be very kind about it.
Maybe there were different points of view, and her “mistake” would open up an interesting discussion.
Maybe the junior lawyers also had the same misconception so it was a chance to clear it up for everybody.
Finally, she realised that the consequences of making a mistake were, essentially, zero. That it was far better to make that mistake in a training session than in the heat of negotiations on an €500 million deal.
So why do we stop ourselves from speaking up? The reason is that what we’re really terrified of is feeling ashamed. Because when we feel ashamed, it feels like you want to disappear. So that’s a pretty strong feeling and it’s not surprising we try to avoid it. Because we really, really don’t want to feel ashamed.
But by expecting ourselves to be perfect, we hold ourselves back. And this plays out every day for women in law firms. Because they are terrified of not being perfect and feeling shame, women lawyers are not speaking up in meetings or on clients calls or in training sessions or on stages because they’re not 100% sure of what they’re going to say and they’re terrified of making a mistake.
It’s interesting, because my clients tell me all the time that as they approach partnership, the senior partners are actually encouraging them to speak up more - but despite that, they still find it difficult to do so. And sometimes, there are other things going on and actually the partner themselves is unconsciously making it more difficult for the woman to speak up, perhaps by interrupting her or by dominating the meeting or by throwing her in the deep end and not giving her the chance to prepare properly. So there is often a lot to unpack in this dynamic.
From perfectionism to excellence
In a moment, I’d like to give you some tools and concepts that you can use in those moments when you’re hesitating about speaking up.
But first, let’s look at the difference between perfectionism and excellence. The little gap analogy.
Risk coin
Listening more to yourself and less to others: perfectionism is often driven by the urge to please. Confidence is believing in your ideas, what you think, trusting your gut instincts - listening to others but ultimately being prepared to trust yourself.
Calibrated risk. E.g. Want to speak on this client call - ask the partner if that’s appropriate and to back you.
It means finding what works for you. For some, “fake it till you make it” works. For others, especially more introverted lawyers, it doesn’t — and may even make things worse. A great resource here is Heidi K. Brown’s book The Introverted Lawyer. Take small steps, have a plan, backing yourself. Medici Law - practice pleadings.
Reflection moment
Think back to last week. Was there a moment when you stayed quiet because you weren’t 100% sure what to say? That’s perfectionism at work.
Now imagine what would have happened - what were the risks you were taking - if you had spoken up anyway.
And in the coming week, perhaps notice the moments when you’re choosing to stay quiet and perhaps, make a different choice this time.
We’ve looked at:
How women lawyers are holding themselves back every day in law firms around the world because they are terrified of making a mistake.
The difference between perfectionism and excellence
Some concepts to help us move from perfectionism to excellence, including “the little gap”, the risk coin and listening to yourself more.
Taking calibrated risk - having a plan and taking small steps so you don’t put yourself into highly stressful, unmanageable situations.
Closing thought
Perfectionism feels safe and it feels satisfying. But it also stops you from making mistakes — and from learning from them. Excellence, on the other hand, is what you need to move from lawyer to leader.
Outro
Thank you for tuning in to The Pathway to Partnership Podcast.
I hope today’s episode has given you something to reflect on — a spark of clarity, a boost of confidence, or simply the reminder that you’re not alone on this journey.
If you found this episode helpful, I would really appreciate it if you could follow the show, share it with a colleague or friend, and leave a quick review — it really helps more women lawyers find these conversations.
And if you’d like to go deeper, you’ll find plenty of free resources and coaching opportunities at www.ceciliapoullain.com.
See you next time.